I Celebrate The Life That Subtly Cursed Upon Me

Hey there!
Do you know what lost is? It goes like; I know where I stand, but I don't know where to go. I know who I am, but I don't know what I'd become. I realize the surrounding, but I don't recognize the inner me.

People said that maturity and wisdom grow with time. The older you are, the wiser you get. Ripe, ready to be picked. Me? Course, I am, moron! Considering...

*sigh*
So, here I am. With another reason and pardoning words. No, I'm not jealous with everybody, if that's the impression you get. I'm just tired with me. With you. With the world. With the big 'L': LIFE.

There are times that I feel like swallowing a pot of sleeping pills or slashing my wrists and bleed. I pictured me lying and my own blood oozing from the tiny gap I made. Feeling how they trickle. Drip, by drip, by drip. Vision blurring and slowly blackening. Flashing of events like a movie on a screen before my very eyes. Pieces by pieces chronoligally telling my phases from the warmth and comfort of mother's womb to an almost-adult me. Then I'll go to the next nowhere where I haven't been. How simple it is! Too bad I've never have the guts to do so.

Was it because of my so-godamned-fuckin'-called survival instinct? Geez. In that case, God had made me way too perfect. Yet, there is nothing perfect than The Most Perfect One.

Yea, rite.

[So I sat here, thinking, gnawing on my consciousness, stumble upon my faith, trying to grasp whatever things within my reach, and considering... another fuckin' consideration!]

ps: hey... ini gak ikut-ikutan Lilis, lho!

Comments

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