Day 7 - HALLELUJAH

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... dan Tuhan, dengan bahasa apapun namaNya kau sebut, akan selalu Maha Mendengar...

It is amidst a neckbreaking deadline that I'm writing this, putting the right pieces of puzzles in my mind that have your scent and your warmth, of how close your heartbeat to my pressed ears on your bare chest, of how smooth my fingers ran on your slightly damp skin, the slow breathing when we drifted to sleep, and how perfect it felt to have my arm around you in the middle of rumpled bed sheets.

And somehow I remember God, the so-called omnipotent being that makes shit happened. I want to believe again, desperately trying to find the object to give my gratitude to, to have a reason to feel blessed. To have something to hold on to that makes me feel special among 7.6 billion of people in the world (as per May 2018). 

But that would be lying.

I want to repeatedly whisper HALLELUJAH when our eyes meet, when our mouths are searching for each other, when our skin are craving for the touch. I want to praise everything that makes shit happened when our souls find themselves. I want to be grateful for you. I count my blessings more after that because I don't believe in good luck but I do believe what goes around comes around. And you're my reward for being so fucking patient with the blows and the punches, for being stubbornly resilient to get back on my feet again, for reminding me of who I was before, not what I'll become. 

I'm fully aware that after I die I'll be one with the stars and I won't be anywhere, not even the afterlife because it is still debatable to me. But should heaven exists, it would be created by me, in this lifetime, with you in it.

So, thank you for making me falling in love all over again with myself. Thank you for making every fucking thing so bearable and so worthy in the end. You're the Hallelujah that comes from the darkest part of my self. For that, I am humbled.

And it's not a cry that you hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah.
 


Comments

  1. Bern10:30 PM

    I'm envious, wishing for someone like that who can make me fall in love with myself again.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous7:16 AM

    Masih aktif kah ?

    ReplyDelete
  3. The Bitch1:56 PM

    Beben:
    i fall in love all over again with myself on daily basis without any external help. ahahaha. yg kemaren itu lagi pengen menye2 khilaf.

    Anon:
    too bad, i am.

    ReplyDelete

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