Day 7 - HALLELUJAH

By -


... dan Tuhan, dengan bahasa apapun namaNya kau sebut, akan selalu Maha Mendengar...

It is amidst a neckbreaking deadline that I'm writing this, putting the right pieces of puzzles in my mind that have your scent and your warmth, of how close your heartbeat to my pressed ears on your bare chest, of how smooth my fingers ran on your slightly damp skin, the slow breathing when we drifted to sleep, and how perfect it felt to have my arm around you in the middle of rumpled bed sheets.

And somehow I remember God, the so-called omnipotent being that makes shit happened. I want to believe again, desperately trying to find the object to give my gratitude to, to have a reason to feel blessed. To have something to hold on to that makes me feel special among 7.6 billion of people in the world (as per May 2018). 

But that would be lying.

I want to repeatedly whisper HALLELUJAH when our eyes meet, when our mouths are searching for each other, when our skin are craving for the touch. I want to praise everything that makes shit happened when our souls find themselves. I want to be grateful for you. I count my blessings more after that because I don't believe in good luck but I do believe what goes around comes around. And you're my reward for being so fucking patient with the blows and the punches, for being stubbornly resilient to get back on my feet again, for reminding me of who I was before, not what I'll become. 

I'm fully aware that after I die I'll be one with the stars and I won't be anywhere, not even the afterlife because it is still debatable to me. But should heaven exists, it would be created by me, in this lifetime, with you in it.

So, thank you for making me falling in love all over again with myself. Thank you for making every fucking thing so bearable and so worthy in the end. You're the Hallelujah that comes from the darkest part of my self. For that, I am humbled.

And it's not a cry that you hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah.
 


Comments

  1. Bern10:30 PM

    I'm envious, wishing for someone like that who can make me fall in love with myself again.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous7:16 AM

    Masih aktif kah ?

    ReplyDelete
  3. The Bitch1:56 PM

    Beben:
    i fall in love all over again with myself on daily basis without any external help. ahahaha. yg kemaren itu lagi pengen menye2 khilaf.

    Anon:
    too bad, i am.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Wanna lash The Bitch?

Popular posts from this blog

Another Fake Orgasm

By -
And that is this fuckin' blog thingy is all about. I'm doing nothing but satisfying my crave of attention. I'm through playing wannabe martyr. I'm done being fallen, unrecognized heroine. My time has come to retire from a miserable drama queen. For all of the unfortunates who are not blessed by fluent English, I'm saying this out loud: Saya selesai sampai disini. Entah sampai kapan. I'm not impersonating that guy in wordpress that fetched various statements from those who despised him and he tired of them. My visitors are mostly nice people and I would kill to be that popular. Don't put too much honors to yourself. No, it's not because of all the godamned fuckin' irrelevant comments. It's not because of how you put your stupid values upon me either. It's just somehow I feel enough. I'm finished with my broadcasted, no good, ridiculous state of minds that I blatantly pushed before your very silly faces and shoved up to your brain and feel
Read more

Tentang "Dikocok-kocok" dan "Keluar di Dalem"

By -
Ini cerita tentang kejadian dua hari lalu. Maaf, bukan cerita jorok seperti judulnya. Malah kebalikannya. Jadi begini… Saat itu siang gerah di pojokan Jakarta dan sayangnya saya harus keluar kamar menyelusur aspal demi menyambung napas ketemu klien--satu hal yang paling dihindari mahluk nokturnal berkaki dua seperti saya. Beberapa mbak-mbak dan siswi SMU yang semuanya berjilbab menaruh pantat di sebelah saya pada jok Metromini 72, di deretan kursi paling belakang. Mereka lumayan berisik, cicit-cuwit cekikikan nggak penting, menafikan kemacetan lengas yang meresap masuk dari celah jendela dan pintu terbuka. Lalu seorang penjual stiker melompat naik, membagikan dagangan yang dia sebut "murah meriah", yaitu dua lembar kalimah suci tentang nama dan kebesaran Tuhan. Tak lama kemudian bis terguncang-guncang memasuki mulut terminal yang aspalnya berantakan kayak muka saya. Penjual stiker yang selesai memunguti kembali dagangannya dari para penumpang berdiri di depan saya. Bib
Read more

Story of Women

By -
Image
Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she’ll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she’ll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she’ll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she’ll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what’s given to her. So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit! - Anonymous Dinihari bersama hingar teriakan Otong KOIL dari headset melepaskan penat saya memelototi ratusan baris terjemahan, proyek kerjabakti bersama seseorang. Agak siang nanti saya berjanji sowan ke rumah perempuan hebat, a newly divorcee , a single mom, dengan seekor labrador betina cantik dan putri pintar. Ia menjanjikan saya Chicken Adobo yang baru saya dengar namanya. Saya mengenalnya, tidak secara intens, beberapa bulan belakangan. Namun dari pertemuan kami yang baru tiga kali, perempuan usia tiga empat yang sedang rehat dari studi beasiswa S3-nya di Australia ini memiliki aura menyamankan dan damai. Berada di istana
Read more