"Fuck!" Say I

Because nobody rules over my thoughts. Live with it.

About Breaking the Box

Posted by The Bitch on 3/29/2009 03:21:00 AM

We are not tough enough to live on truth alone and we don't need to be
- Opening song for Bleach 20* by Veronica

Dua perempuan, dua generasi, terhubung oleh garis yang menjadikan mereka anak dan ibu, murid dan guru, dicinta dan mencinta. Dua perempuan menggugat hak bernafas di bumi selama hampir empat belas tahun. Mereka ada disana sekarang, dalam ruang kamar ukuran empat kali lima yang menyublim menjadi dunia milik mereka. Dua jiwa, dua benak, yang dulunya sempat ada dalam satu badan.

Perempuan kecil itu memegang sebuah buku terbuka berwarna hijau pada gemetar tangan kiri. Matanya menatap jalang minta penjelasan di sepasang danau teduh yang pertama dia cari ketika lutut atau hatinya terluka. Ibunya memandangi buku dan wajah si anak berganti-ganti kemudian menggandeng tangan sang putri untuk turut duduk bersisian di bibir ranjang.

"Kenapa bisa begini, Bu?"

Pada ruang dan waktu itu nafas terasa berat dihela hingga membuat dada sesak meskipun angin lembut meniup tirai jendela yang terbuka ke taman depan. Sepasang kejora pada raut wajah kanak-kanak membara menantang danau yang tetap kukuh dalam teduh. Ada semburat pedih saat sang ibu mengerjap, hanya sekilas, ketika kepala sang anak surut ke belakang waktu tangan ibu hendak mampir di ubun-ubun.

"Nduk, Ibu nggak akan membela diri dan nggak merasa patut dibela tentang tanggal pernikahan Ibu dan Ayah. Kamu sudah besar, sudah bisa berhitung. Ketika kamu ada di perut Ibu tiga bulan, Ayah baru berani ngomong ke keluarga besar perihal langkah yang bablas," jelasnya lembut.

"Kenapa Ibu nggak menikah dulu baru hamil?" tanya sang anak.

"Karena cinta kami terlarang dan tidak direstui Eyangmu, paman dari Ayah yang menikahi sepupu Ibu. Di rumah mereka kami bertemu waktu Ibu ngenger selepas SD. Mereka yang membiayai sekolah Ibu karena nenekmu janda yang ditinggal kawin lari suaminya."

"Tapi kan..."

"Ya, apa yang kami perbuat memang tidak pantas," tukasnya menyela omongan si anak.

Bocah itu menunduk. Kali ini membiarkan gerai rambut pada kening diusap lembut sang ibu.

"Ibu nggak memintamu mengerti. Kelak ketika kamu besar nanti mungkin kamu akan paham. Ibu dan Ayah memang muda dan bodoh waktu itu, tidak berhitung bahwa apa yang kami awali hanya akan membawa derita lebih jauh ke depan nanti. Awalnya kami sempat berfikir untuk meniadakan apa yang tidak seharusnya ada dengan harapan masalah dapat selesai secara instan."

Belaian terhenti di udara ketika wajah si anak menengadah pelan dengan raut berpikir keras.

"Maksud Ibu?"

"Ibu pernah bermaksud menggugurkanmu..." sahut sang ibu dengan suara pelan.

Si anak hanya terdiam dalam pias menanti kata-kata lanjutan melalui sorot mata sarat pertanyaan tanpa suara. Bening kaca cair mulai mengambang dari muara di pangkal hidung sang ibu mendapati nyeri yang seperti menghunjam uluhati. Dia tidak ingin sakit yang sama melanda putrinya karena kekalutan masa lalu.

"Ibu belum lulus SMA waktu itu. Dan Ibu pikir akan sangat mudah sekali melarutkan janin dengan jamu peluntur yang akan merubahmu menjadi gumpalan darah di lubang jamban lalu hilang terbanjur beberapa gayung air."

"Kenapa nggak jadi?"

"Karena Ibu tidak ingin menambah dosa dengan dosa. Waktu memang tidak bisa diputar ulang seperti jam tangan. Jadi, kami memutuskan untuk berterusterang pada keluarga besar dan menanggung semuanya bersama."

"Ibu nggak digamparin Eyang? Biasanya kan orangtua suka begitu kalau anaknya ketahuan hamil."

Sang ibu tersenyum sambil mengusap airmata yang sempat meluncur satu-satu pada pipi.

"Ayah yang ditampar Eyang Kakung ketika kami disidang. Namun Ibu bangga padanya karena dia tidak mengaduh, padahal tidak sekali pun ayahmu pernah berkelahi atau ikut bela diri. Ayahmu yang membela Ibu habis-habisan ketika Eyang berencana mencarikan lelaki lain untuk menikahi Ibu."

"Kenapa? Eyang nggak suka sama Ibu? Atau Eyang sudah punya calon untuk Ayah?" tanya si anak polos.

"Karena Ibu tidak berasal dari keluarga berada. Nenek cuma seorang perawat tanpa suami yang harus membesarkan Ibu, Pakdhe dan Om sendirian sementara Yang Kung seorang mantri pertanian di kampung. Keluarga Yang Kung kaya. Kamu ingat kan rumah Yang Kung punya hutan dan sungai sendiri? Kami tidak satu kasta," jawab sang ibu.

Si perempuan kecil menunduk menatap buku tipis hijau pada tangan yang tidak lagi gemetar. Buku yang dia temukan di dalam kotak sepatu bersama sebundel surat cinta dari dan untuk ayahnya terikat oleh pita merah marun. Di dalamnya juga terdapat foto-foto pernikahan ayah dan ibunya yang lebih mirip peserta pawai tujuhbelasan. Namun dari buku itulah dia menalar bahwa pasangan yang menikah bulan September dan berbayi tiga bulan setelahnya adalah aneh. Apalagi wajah bocah kurus agak buncit yang gagal ditutupi dengan makeup tebal dan kebaya pengantin sekalipun. Raut sang ayah di sebelahnya mengingatkan si anak pada dirinya sendiri, takut dan cemas saat harus menjaga adik bayi sementara orang-orang dewasa terlambat pulang hingga tengah malam.

Saat kepalanya kembali tengadah, dia melihat sang ibu memandanginya dengan kelembutan yang sama. Tetes air masih mengalir satu-satu dari sudut mata perempuan yang baru berusia tiga puluh satu.

"Ibu nggak marah aku nemuin ini?" tanyanya lagi.

Sang ibu meraih buku sengketa tersebut, menutupnya, lalu meletakkannya di meja sebelah tempat tidur.

"Ibu tahu kamu sering penasaran. Mungkin tanpa sadar Ibu ingin suatu hari nanti kamu menemukannya karena akan lebih mudah menjelaskannya padamu. Tapi tidak secepat ini..."

Sepasang tangan si anak terulur mengusap air mata di pipi perempuan di hadapannya sebelum dia memeluknya erat. Lirih dia berbisik, "Terimakasih Ibu."



[Inspired by this story. I miss my mom...]

ps: the title is some kind of encouragement to break my own box, to write something different than I usually do, apart from the story. that's why it's bener-bener nggak nyambung.

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Mors Tua Vita Mea(?)

Posted by The Bitch on 3/28/2009 07:29:00 AM

Pernah kau bayangkan ada hidup yang tidak sekedar bernafas? Ada gerak yang tidak hanya maju? Geletar yang tidak gemetar? Suara yang bukan hanya bunyi? Rasa yang tidak perlu bernama?

Aku pernah merasakannya. Bersamamu. Dulu sekali.

Tapi satu hal: Jiwa tidak harus tersia-sia hanya untuk yang silam. Kutukan tidak cuma tertera pada nganga yang kutorehkan sendiri di luka-luka kita. Karena manusia lahir ke dunia membawa aib masing-masing seperti Kryptonite menggentarkan Clark Kent meski kuasanya kerap menyelamatkan Amerika dari monster berwujud manusia.

Kamu selalu tau bahwa suaramu mampu meloloskan semua belulang dari persendian meski aku bebas osteoporosis. Kemarin hingga sekarang. Kamu juga lebih dari paham bahwa yang datang akan pergi namun kita tak terganti. Ya, kita sejiwa tapi tidak untuk bersama.

Menyedihkan? Tidak!

Kita tidak diciptakan untuk masa depan, tidak dibiakkan untuk saling menyakiti. Jadi, jangan pernah ketakutan itu hinggap pada hati. Kita telah belajar banyak, telah sama-sama mencecap anyir-getir darah serta nanah satu sama lain. Setiap memori adalah saksi bahwa kita pernah berencana meniti pelangi dan menjejakkan kaki pada atmosfir terluar Bima Sakti--meskipun tak terjadi.

Jangan berhenti berubah, Sayang. Jadilah anomali yang memuati wadah yang dia tempati, tapi jangan lupakan inti diri. Terbangkan dirimu ke angkasa dan berpaculah bersama meteor dan komet, namun jangan sekalipun menyublim menjadi debu gas karena dia tak berarti. Bebaskan belenggu yang kamu buat sendiri. Karena apa yang kamu percaya mungkin tidak berjudul sama di benak lain kepala.

Tiga puluh empat dan waktu berjalan cepat. Kita tidak lagi lekat, dan aku bukan penghambat. Mungkin nanti kita bisa menjejak tangga ke surga dengan tangan erat tergandeng, bukan saling menginjak kepala.



[for an Arian on his birthday, this is my wish for you: let. me. go.]

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English Club: Week 4

Posted by The Bitch on 3/28/2009 06:10:00 AM

Since there was only one student attending her class this week, The Bitch Teacher only taught him to read and made some ideas came to his mind. Some of which was auto-felatio. He also said that he loves religious movie, with a lot of God’s name cried out loud. You figure that out yourself what it means *evilgrins*.

Here are the material that we have learned tonight (yes, the schedule said 4pm onward and the class started at half past seven since The Bitch Teacher got up at ten minutes past four. Isn’t that hilarious?). Below is the continuation story from the Ghost of Canterville Chapter I. We also learned about Passive Voice (in which the examples been given by none other than the BHI Minister of Treasury, Mr. Muhammad Syaifulloh, the slimiest Minister worldwide).

The Canterville Ghost
Chapter II

There was a horrible storm that night, but apart from that nothing scary happened. The next morning, however, when the family came down to breakfast, they found the terrible stain of blood once again on the floor. Washington cleaned it a second time, but the second morning it appeared again. The third morning it was there, too, although the library had been locked up at night by Mr. Otis himself.

The following night, all doubts about the existence of the ghost were finally removed forever. At eleven o’clock the family went to bed and some time after, Mr. Otis was awakened by a strange noise in the corridor, outside his room. It sounded like the clank of metal, and it came nearer every moment. Mr. Otis got up and looked at the time. It was exactly one o’clock. So Mr. Otis put on his slippers, went to the door and opened it. There, right in front of him, stood the ghost - his eyes were as red as burning coals; long grey hair fell over his shoulders and from his wrists and ankles hung heavy chains.

“My dear Sir,” said Mr. Otis, “you must oil those chains. It’s impossible to sleep with such a noise going on outside the bedrooms. I have therefore brought you this bottle of lubricator, and I will be happy to supply you with more if you require it.” With these words, Mr. Otis laid the bottle down, closed his door and went back to bed.

Shocked, the Canterville ghost stood quite motionless for a moment, but then he growled angrily. Just at this moment, the twins appeared on the corridor and threw a large pillow at him! The ghost hastily escaped through the wall, and the house became quiet again.

When the ghost reached his small secret chamber, he took a deep breath. No ghosts in history had ever been treated in this manner!

[To be continued to Chapter III next week]

Assessment:
Indicating each sentence and/or phrase in the story. And you know what? The Minister did it splendidly!

And here is the theory (-shitory) we learned:

Passive Voice:
To be
(am/is/are, was/were) + V-II

- A bottle of vodka was drank by me this afternoon.

- My boner was stood by someone, or, in other words, dicoliin (this is the example from Maz Ipul. The Teacher did not make it up! Honest!)

In this pattern, the subject and object are switched. It means that the subject in Active that generally positioned at the front is switched with the Object located at the back of the sentence. But both Subject and Object could also stay where they belong, only the conjunction (or ‘bridge’ to connect between words and make it into sentences or phrases or anything in between) move. Confuse? Here comes the comprehension:

Example:
- Active: Bahtiar milks his wife almost every night.
- Passive: She was milked by her husband.

As you see, the subject becomes object and vice versa.

- Active: I sepong myself.
- Passive: I was seponged by myself (remember the auto-felatio? Here it is).

From the example above, the subject and object stay where they are but the conjunction (or whatever they call it) changes.

Function:
- Nothing but to screw the mind of the non-English speaker. Oh, and adding special tone in the writings. It sounds more dramatic, don’t you think?

Though it was only one student (and one ’shadow’ since he was not joining the class but asking gibberish, unimportant things in the mean time), The Bitch Teacher and her student had fun together, especially when the Lady Minister decided to join after working in her Saturday. She made The Lady repeating the ’sh’ sound as in ‘washing’ over and over again and it was amusing! Hee hee.

Well, we’re going to have listening next week from a footage that The Bitch found quite suitable for her fucked-up class, something closer to the ‘religious’ movie said by The Minister. Interesting. Very interesting, indeed. Too bad The Minister and The Lady could not join the class for two weeks because they are going to have their third wedding party (yes, THIRD! Your eyes don’t play you shit!). And what makes The Teacher wonder is that they will marry each other once again. If she were them, she’ll change her spouse for sure.

Questions, anyone?

ps: Found smiling faces, friendly welcome, and a neat rest room to shit after one heartpounding, spooky angkot ride whose driver is hallucinating that he was driving in one of those races in Sentul is always pleasant. Especially when follows by one, terrific MJ, vodka with orange juice, and wonderful stories of good ol’days. The Bitch Teacher couldn’t ask for more for her Saturday night… (=

Let this joyful weekend be like this for all of her life!!!

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English Club: Week 3

Posted by The Bitch on 3/28/2009 05:57:00 AM

As always happened in these past two weeks, The Bitch Teacher woke up late on one breezy Saturday afternoon because she just had her portion of night-sleep when the clock said 9am. Not an unusual thing to do on weekends, though. Yet, it was, since she had a class to teach.

Oh well, enough with her fucked-up biorhytm and let’s start the material for the third week.

Since the Structure was quite brain-squeezing, we could only rummage on one Tense as follows:

5. Present Perfect Simple

S + have/has + V III
- He has spoken.

S + have/has + not + V III
- He has not spoken.

Have/has + S + V III + ?
- Has he spoken?

Function:

* Putting emphasis on the result
- The landlady has ruined my mood to do quickie.

* Action that is still going on
- She has came two times and needs some more.

* Action that stopped recently
- I have given up on your limp dick!

* Finished action that has an influence on the present
- Omigod! He has gotten hung!

* Action that has taken place once, never or several times before the moment of speaking
- I have never gone to Playboy Mansion.

Keywords:
already, ever, just, never, not yet, so far, till now, up to now

Vocab:
- Hard
- Spooky
- Terrible
- Haunt
- Spill

We had fun also with our reading material taken from a (suspected) homosexual poet and libertarianism, Oscar Wilde.

The Canterville Ghost
Chapter I

When the American, Mr Otis, bought Canterville Castle, everyone told him that this was very foolish, as the place was haunted. But Mr Otis answered, “I come from a modern country, where we have everything that money can buy. And if there were such a thing as a ghost in Europe, we would have it at home in one of our museums.”

A few weeks later, on a lovely July evening, Mr Otis, his wife and their children, Washington, Virginia and the twins, went down to their new home. When they entered the avenue of Canterville Castle, the sky suddenly became dark and a spooky stillness was in the air.

Mrs Umney, the housekeeper, led them into the library of the castle, where they sat down and began to look around. Suddenly, Mrs Otis saw a red stain on the floor just by the fireplace and said to Mrs Umney, “I am afraid something has been spilt there.”

“Yes, madam,” said the old housekeeper in a low voice, “blood has been spilt on that spot.”

“How terrible,” said Mrs Otis; “I don’t want any blood-stains in my sitting-room. It must be removed at once.”

The old woman smiled and answered, “It is the blood of Lady Eleanore de Canterville, who was murdered on that spot by her husband, Sir Simon de Canterville, in 1575. Sir Simon disappeared seven years later. His body has never been found, but his ghost still haunts the Castle. The blood-stain is a tourist attraction now and it cannot be removed.”

“That is all nonsense,” said Washington, the eldest son of the Otis family, “stain remover will clean it up in no time,” and he took a bottle of stain remover out of his pocket and cleaned the spot. But as soon as the blood-stain had disappeared, a terrible flash of lightning lit up the room and a fearful peal of thunder made the whole building shake.

[To be continued to Chapter II next week]

The Bitch Teacher needs to emphasize one thing: She didn’t start the class by her own. It was those fucked-up people in BHI who asked her to start an English Class about a year ago because their skill in such language were more fucked-up than their faces. A year had gone by and they just realized that their wages never raised. And learning English is one of the method to get improvement on their incomes, I suppose. So, this is NOT, I repeat, NOT one of her toys. The toys come on their own and The Bitch Teacher is more than happy to play!

So… Any other toys want to join?

*winks*

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English Club: Week 2

Posted by The Bitch on 3/28/2009 05:28:00 AM

After having a great time in our first meeting, we continued the fun on the second. Here are the material we’d learned in our 2nd week meeting:

3. Simple Past Tense

Subject + V-ed
- Last night my husband gave me hickeys

Subject + did + not + verb
- Last night my husband didn’t give me hickeys

Did + subject + verb + object + ?
- Did your husband give you hickeys last night?

Function:

* Stating action in the past taking place once, never or several times
- We never fucked though we had been together for five years (ngapain aja?!).

* Stating actions taking place one after another
- He loved to suck my lower lip after having one mindblowing lovemaking session.

* Stating action taking place in the middle of another action
- He came in, unzipped his pants and banged her brain out.

* Stating action in the past taking place in the middle of another action
- When I was having her for breakfast, the phone suddenly rang.

* ‘If’ sentences type II (If I talked, …)
- If I had a lot of money, I would share it with you.

4. Simple Past Continuous

Subject + was/were + V-ing
- I was going fishing

Subject + was/were + not + V-ing
- I was not going fishing

Was/were + subject + V-ing + ?
- Were you going fishing?

Function:

* Puts emphasis on the course of an action in the past
- She was playing with my ball.

* Two actions happening at the same time (in the past)
- While she was undressing me, her mother was knocking on the door.

* Action going on at a certain time in the past
- When I was having my lunch, he was playing footsie up to my crotch under the table.

Vocab:
- Hickey
- Brooch
- Come
- Fishing
- Wrap

Here, we also learned reading comprehension from two reading materials googled once upon a night in an angkringan. No harm done. The Bitch Teacher got the material from the Internet since she was too busy to make ones. Hail Internet!

A Special Christmas Present

David wants to buy a Christmas present for a very special person, his mother. David’s father gives him $5.00 a week pocket money and David puts $2.00 a week into his bank account. After three months David takes $20.00 out of his bank account and goes to the shopping mall. He looks and looks for a perfect gift.

Suddenly he sees a beautiful brooch in the shape of his favourite pet. He says to himself, “My mother loves jewelry, and the brooch costs only $17.00.” He buys the brooch and takes it home. He wraps the present in Christmas paper and places it under the tree. He is very excited and he is looking forward to Christmas morning to see the joy on his mother’s face.

But when his mother opens the present she screams with fright because she sees a spider.

Comprehension
1. What does David want to buy his Mother?
a. a special birthday present
b. a Christmas present
c. a spider ring

2. Who does David get his money from?
a. his pet
b. his mother
c. his father

3. How much money does David have in the bank?
a. $24.00
b. $5.00
c. $17.00

4. What does David buy his mother?
a. a ring
b. a brooch
c. a spider

5. What does David do with the present when he takes it home?
a. he gives it to his mother
b. he wraps it in Christmas paper
c. he is very excited

6. Why does David’s mother scream?
a. because the present is beautiful
b. because she doesn’t like Christmas presents
c. because she thinks she sees a real spider

7. Why does David buy a spider brooch?
a. spiders are his favourite pet
b. he loves Christmas
c. to scare his mother

8. Where does David put the present on Christmas Eve?
a. under his pillow
b. under a spider
c. under the Christmas tree

Two sisters and the cat

Mrs. Wilson and Mrs. Smith are sisters. Mrs. Wilson lives in a house in Duncan and Mrs. Smith lives in a condominium in Victoria. One day Mrs. Wilson visited her sister. When her sister answered the door, Mrs. Wilson saw tears in her eyes. “What’s the matter?” she asked. Mrs. Smith said “My cat Sammy died last night and I have no place to bury him”.

She began to cry again. Mrs. Wilson was very sad because she knew her sister loved the cat very much. Suddenly Mrs.. Wilson said “I can bury your cat in my garden in Duncan and you can come and visit him sometimes.” Mrs. Smith stopped crying and the two sisters had tea together and a nice visit.

It was now five o’clock and Mrs. Wilson said it was time for her to go home. She put on her hat, coat and gloves and Mrs. Smith put the dead Sammy into a shopping bag. Mrs. Wilson took the shopping bag and walked to the bus stop. She waited a long time for the bus so she bought a newspaper. When the bus arrived, she got on the bus, sat down and put the shopping bag on the floor beside her feet. She then began to read the newspaper. When the bus arrived at her bus stop, she got off the bus and walked for about two minutes. Suddenly she remembered she had left the shopping bag on the bus.
[Story by Laurie Buchanan]

Comprehension
1. Where does Mrs. Smith live?
a. in a condominium in Duncan
b. in a condominium in Victoria
c. in a house in Duncan

2. Why is Mrs. Smith upset?
a. because her sister came to see her cat
b. because her cat died
c. because Mrs. Wilson was sad

3. What did Mrs. Wilson do?
a. take the cat with her on the bus
b. put her gloves in the shopping bag
c. prepare dinner for her sister

4. Who did Sammy the cat live with?
a. Mrs. Wilson
b. Mrs. Smith
c. Mrs. Wilson and Mrs. Smith

5. What time did Mrs. Wilson go home?
a. when the bus arrived
b. at 5 p.m.
c. after she walked for two minutes

6. How did Mrs. Wilson go home?
a. walked for two minutes before she caught the bus
b. read a newspaper on the bus
c. took a bus

7. What did Mrs. Wilson forget?
a. the newspaper
b. her handbag
c. the shopping bag

8. Where did Sammy die?
a. in Mrs. Smith’s house in Duncan
b. in Mrs. Wilson’s garden
c. in Victoria

All reading materials are taken from here.

Again, The Bitch Teacher wants to remind her students about the rule: Turn all of your fuckin’ mobile off when you’re in her class, do as she says, and OBEY! Or you all could feel her wrath!

Damn. Teaching is sooo fuckin’ fun!

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English Club: Week 1

Posted by The Bitch on 3/28/2009 05:13:00 AM

As my account suspended and I've got no one to blame upon, here is the repost of what the BHI English Club had learned so far. I don't do this for my students' sake. I do this for me, for the joy of keeping the record of what I've got in store to poison people's mind. But everyone's invited! (=

Below is the summary of what we have learned in our first class, 14 February 2009.

1. Simple Present Tense
Subject + Verb
- He goes to the English Club.

Subject + do/does + not + Verb
- I do not go to the English Club.

Do/does + subject + Verb + ?
- Does she go to the English Club?

Verb Function:
* Stating the action that happens in the present (d’oh)
- I bully everybody with this summarized material.

* Stating the fact
- The sun rises every morning just like my urge to smack everyone in the face.

* Stating what one capable of
- Suprie drives motorcycle just like Yudi swims. One of these days.

* Stating one’s activities
- I go to School for Bitches and Bastards and that is why I am capable of teaching in BHI (means study).

* Stating characteristic
- Her pubic hair is red.

FAQ:
Q: Why -s in every verb for 3rd Singular Pronoun (he/she/it/name) while the others don’t?
A: To remind us, the non-natives, to use ‘does’ in making negative and interrogative sentences

Best Sentence:
Being a religious man, Ipul fucks five times a day.

(Hey, I didn’t even have red underline when typing this in my Word! Well, except for the word Ipul because he himself is a failure… to have bule face and ngapak tongue)

2. Simple Present Continuous

Subject + to be (am/is/are) + V-ing
- I am learning English in BHI English Club.

Subject + to be (am/is/are) + not + V-ing
- I am not learning English in BHI English Club.

To be (am/is/are) + subject + V-ing + ?
- Are you learning English in BHI English Club?

Verb Function:
* Stating the action that is still going on at the time the sentence uttered
- Shhh… Keep it down. Ipul is fucking.

* Exclamation of disturbance
- Yo, Ipul! Could you please turn down your noisy fucking down? I’m reading!

Best Sentence:
Bahtiar is milking his wife’s breast after making a bottle of milk for his baby.

Vocab:
- Banana (noun)
- Milk (verb, noun)
- Metrosexual (adjective)
- Amazing (adjective?)
- Cheer (verb)

Any questions? Ask me anything with your comments below! Oh, try to find the comment form yourself. It's here somewhere *evilgrins*

ps: there are these rules apply in my class: Turn your fuckin’ mobile off, do as I say, and feel free to ask me anything. I repeat, ANY thing!

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About Affair

Posted by The Bitch on 3/23/2009 11:15:00 PM

Hari ini saya mendapat dua berita gembira dari dua orang lelaki baik sekaligus sahabat baik: Pernikahan. Tiga tahun sejak terakhir kami bertemu, My Phoenix Brotha #1 menyusul My Phoenix Brotha #2—yang sekarang sudah dikaruniai seorang bayi lucu—ke pelaminan Juli nanti. Pacaran fucked-up dengan mbak pramugari (yang dengan bangga dia ceritakan sebagai ‘Mbakmu kui lho Nduk…’), berbuah rencana membentang layar untuk biduk rumahtangga mereka nanti setelah bertahun-tahun cinta dirajut. I couldn’t ask for more, Bro. Sooo damned happy for ya! (=

Yang kedua adalah Singa Berkeringat (karena mengaku seorang Leon padahal aslinya Aquarian) yang akan mengucap janji suci bulan Mei nanti. Saya baru mengenalnya sebulan ini setelah ‘permainan’ akhirnya berujung. Dan dia mengundang saya sebagai penghormatan terhadap seorang teman yang senang hati ikut ‘bermain’. Isn’t he sweet?

Saya pribadi nggak ngurus masalah pernikahan karena hidup saya adalah hari ini. Saya nggak mau punya anak karena mereka akan selalu lucu dan menyenangkan selama saya nggak mbayarin sekolah dan nggak perlu repot ngurusin ketika sakit. And I prefer to keep them that way. Saya enggan bersuami karena lelaki bagi saya hanyalah dildo berkuping yang bisa kentut dengan biaya maintenance tinggi, terutama bab menjaga hati dan emosi. Saya masih ingin keliling Indonesia tanpa harus terbebani dengan orang posesif yang ketakutan saya ketemu cowok lain. Dan dengan prinsip hidup saya yang don’t hope, don’t expect, and have fun, rasanya menikah adalah a big no-no karena hanya akan membuat saya berharap pada masa depan.

Namun saya teramat sangat menghargai komitmen. Mereka yang saya stempel jidatnya sebagai belahan jiwa punya komitmen sepihak dari saya: bahwa saya akan selalu ada ketika mereka perlu. Permintaan paling gila pun saya turuti, ketika salah satunya meminta saya untuk berperan sebagai Tuhan melalui teks SMS panjang saat dia tersandung masalah. Karena ini adalah sepihak, mereka tidak pernah tau hingga mereka membaca entri ini.

Komitmen yang saya buat memang tidak pernah memberatkan. Hanya perlu percaya dan berpegang pada hati. Selama empat taun lebih saya pernah seperti itu, dan akhirnya harus saya sudahi ketika masa depan sudah mulai terpikir.

Namun ketika sepasang kekasih akhirnya mengucap sumpah setia atas nama Tuhan dan diresmikan oleh hukum, itu bagi saya adalah momen terindah sekaligus terberat. Pada mereka yang menikah, biasanya saya ucapkan bahwa “Wedding is the time when you can smell the flowers of your own funeral”. Sebab pernikahan membawa seseorang ke tahap ‘serius’, ke jenjang pendewasaan dimana semua selalu menuntut pertimbangan dua belah pihak dan kompromi yang tidak sedikit; dimana bermain tidak lagi bisa memilih pemain; ketika logika matematika terbalik-balik; saat hati hanya ditetapkan untuk satu target saja; dan kanak-kanak dalam diri masing-masing harus di‘mati’kan.

Dan saya tersentak mengetahui seorang suami dari perempuan berjilbab yang ramah dan baik, dengan dua putra-putri pintar dan lucu, bercerita dengan ringan tentang perselingkuhannya selama empat tahun. Dengan alasan istri tidak bisa mengimbangi libido suami dan tidak ingin dipoligami, dia mengontrakkan sebuah rumah pada perempuan yang menurutnya memiliki kadar sayang berlebih ketimbang istrinya. Dia bahkan tidak terpikir bagaimana jika suatu hari nanti anak perempuannya ada di posisi yang sama dengan sang istri atau si selingkuhan. Satu hal yang ada di benak saya: Bahwa egonya amat sangat besar demi menutupi daging tumbuh yang imut seperti baut jam tangan di sela selangkangannya.

Beberapa orang juga pernah bercerita tentang affair yang mereka punya dengan perempuan sekantor. Witing tresno jalaran seko kulino? Bukan. Tapi godaan 'mencicip' kehangatan dan gelinjang tubuh perempuan lain membuat mereka berani menodai sumpah setia. Termasuk menaklukkan pikiran seorang perempuan jalang yang mereka pikir pintar dan membuat mereka berkehendak untuk 'bersenyawa' dengannya. Padahal belum tentu mereka mampu.

Saya pernah menginginkan lelaki milik perempuan lain dan kami pernah hampir menabrak batas demarkasi. Hingga saya kenal dekat dengan istrinya, saya hanya berharap agar bumi merekah dan menelan saya bulat-bulat. Saya hanya sampah yang bahkan tidak pantas didaurulang. Saya merasa jadi renik karena kekuatan dan ketabahan perempuan itu amat sangat membuatnya agung mirip Santa.

Saya sempat berpikir ribuan kali tentang justifikasi selingkuh yang ada di kepala perempuan dan laki-laki. Mereka punya alasan sendiri dan saya bukan hakim yang berhak memutuskan salah-benar jalan yang mereka pilih. Yet, being on emotional roller-coaster ride is surely fun!

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Psychobabble

Posted by The Bitch on 3/20/2009 06:21:00 AM

1. Put your music on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!

Here we go...

1. If someone says "is this okay" you say?
Wicked - Symphony X
(gwa ditawarin apa emang ya?)

2. What would best describe your personality?
Caught Up In Your World - Harem Scarem
(Errr...)

3. What do you like in a guy/girl?
Let's Get Ourselves Together - Santana
(Hah?! HAH?! HAH?!)

4. How do you feel today?
Agoraphobia - Incubus
(Huahahahahahahahahaha!!!)

5. What is your Motto?
Hunting High and Low - Stratovarius
(I wonder bakal ada yang kesindir nggak ya? Hmmm...)

6. What is your life's purpose?
Intro Jam - Black Label Society
(BENER BANGET!!! Urip mung sediluk, mari kita bersenang-senang dan belajar bersama!)

7. What do your friends think of you?
Burning My Soul - Dream Theater
(Hihihihi... Ya maabh!)

8. What do you think about very often?
Comfort Eagle - Cake
(Jadi inget jawaban #5...)

9. What is 2+2?
Day Two: Isolation - Ayreon
(Buset! Ngitung 2+2 aja dua hari?!)

10. What do you think of your best friend?
Georgy Porgy - Toto
(Ya, ya, ya. One of them made the 'Georgy Porgy, pudding pie, kissed the girls and made them cry' and I had to be there to be his 'God'. Kinda creepy. I think this quiz has a mind of its own...)

11. What do you think of the person you like?
Coming Undone - Korn
(Huahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! BENER BANGET! Gwa selalu kentang kalo suka ama cowok. I left them even before the thrill is over. SHIT!)

12. What is your life story?
Hip Today - Extreme
(Ihik! Emang! Hehe...)

13. What do you want to be when you grow up?
Stewball - Memphis Slim
(Heh?! Emang, gwa ngaku, gwa gendut kayak babi. Tapi mosok jadi daging rebus sih?!)

14. What will they play at your funeral?
Kick Out The Jams - Rage Against The Machine
(HELL, YEAH!)

15. What will you dance to at your wedding?
Elevation - U2
(Heh?! Ke awang-awang?! Ya kalo dapet malem pertama. Lha gwa mikir kawin aja kagag!)

16. What do you think when you see the person you like?
Until It Sleeps - Metallica
(Tungguin dia sampe tidur baru bilang 'Eh, Monyet! Gwa suka ama elu, Tolol!' Huahahaha!!!)

17. What is your hobby?
Love Thing - Joe Satriani
(HUAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Sumpah! Ini lucu!)

18. What is your biggest secret?
King Without A Crown - Matisyahu
(Ah... )

19. What's the worst think that could happen?
Last of the Wilds - Nightwish
(*sigh* makanya, jaga bumi!)

20. What makes you cry?
Enough Love - Mandalay
(FUCK!)

21. What makes you laugh?
The Murder Prologue - Steve Vai
(Ya iya lah! Biasanya kalo di film-film malah nggak jadi mati tu yang mau dibunuh. Kebanyakan ngomong!)

22. What is the one thing you regret?
Valentine's Day - Linkin Park
(Kondom warna-warni berbagai rasa, kutang jambon berenda-renda, gaun backless, makan malam mahal dan berlilin untuk merayakan kematian seorang Santo? That's ridiculous!)

23. Will you ever get married?
Metropolis Part 1 - Dream Theater
(Hmmm... Got the meaning?)

24. What scares you most?
Blank Infinity - Epica
(Surely is!)

25. What will you post this as?
Psychobabble - Frou Frou
(Bener!!!)

Damn! It was fun!!!

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In A Little While...

Posted by The Bitch on 3/20/2009 05:55:00 AM



Shit! Ternyata saya kangen nyampah di rumah saya. Padahal baru sehari, tapi rasanya banyak banget karat otak yang bertumpuk sampai ke ubun-ubun. Masalah kerjaan, social life (IF i got any *sigh*), kegatalan saya gara-gara baca posting orang yang rasanya pengen banget bikin posting bantahan di tempat komeng, macem-macem. Bener tuh, you never know what you've got till it's gone.

Jadi, yah... sementara dengerin Om Bono nyanyi, nyantai-nyantai aja dulu. Why so serious?

In a little while
Surely you'll be mine
In a little while I'll be there

In a little while
This hurt will hurt no more
I'll be home, love!

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