"Fuck!" Say I

Character created by Marija Tiurina Since my first inception, seven has been my lucky number. I guess. Like, when I was hanging on a thread because of my mother’s immature labor when her water broke with 28-week me inside, in which I had to spend 10 days being radiated in an incubator like a chick. Being fed mashed banana and water by my Granny when I wasn’t even 24-hour. And still having a blast, 30-something years later. And then everything just rolled from there.  As I grow up, my life has been nothing but the episodes of full-blown cardinal sins that start from my ears, to my heart, over my mind, and run their courses through my veins. And as I stranded here with nothing to do but making syllabus an d preparing my next teaching material, I’ll be a good girl and uncover them one by one.  So, forgive me Father for I have sinned…  Character created by  Marija Tiurina The place was Mandala Krida, Jogja (again), where I watched Helloween concert with my then bo

Taken from SUN Project . Check it out, they're so cool! And don't forget to support them on Patreon   You call it Absolution while I say it a consequence. Same difference. But let’s agree that it refers to one thing: what goes around comes around. That simple. My Absolution came when I signed the contract yesterday. For a month, I’ll be tied and bound here on the edge of (the so-called) urban civilization, where Alfamart and Indomaret are three-hour drive through sharp turns and rough lanes with the ocean as the roadside attraction. My feet will be planted deep on the place where I could see Bali cow stampeding on my backyard and a bunch of noisy swallows flying high and low on my front yard. Not to mention the cubic, windowless, Soviet-esque buildings that pop out like sore, pixelated thumbs. But those twinkle, twinkle little stars soaring high at night are the done deal. So, how could it be an Absolution when I don't have to suffer, my room is neat and cle

People come and go, places change, world goes by. And somehow, you’re feeling like you’re standing still. When it feels like you have to make some noise, your call. I’ve known some beautiful souls who could make a big decision in a flick of fingers. They’re old souls whose eyes and beings have tasted pain and losing, take a lesson, and know they’ve got to carry on. Me? My immature, dull, and stubborn core couldn’t take it. I need to feel the pain. I need to experience lost. I need to devour the moment. And it’s always been in Jogja, a place I called Purgatory where everything ends and something begins. Why did you come to Jogja? Vacation? Seeing the modernity overpowering the ancient wisdom localized in the centerfold of the city? Watching the same old story of nobility grinding down its subjects to just surrender their ancestors’ land for the so-called progress or bullshit development? Or tasting the Satan’s liquid that you could bumped into one in every five meters i

Words adjusted from Serenity Prayer , the strongest mantra I've ever encountered    So, how do you see yourself when you've been forcefully yet consciously uprooted from the "home" you've known for the past five years? It's strange. But you need it the most--eventually--to save yourself from the stupid, monotonous insanity. I've been--just like any other person living and breathing--on a rollercoaster ride of emotions, while staying in another city, in another island. It's an overwhelming package full of new people from the uncharted waters that I've never known existed. Many times that all I could do was just inhale deeply. But it's all fun and games. Somehow.   I pulled myself together and picking up the pieces that I have left in my attempt to emerge from the blinding darkness while trying to taking in so much more. It's been so cold and dark down there, but my furry angels--the ones I thought I've rescued but in th