"Fuck!" Say I

Because nobody rules over my thoughts. Live with it.

Insignificant Thought

Posted by The Bitch on 5/16/2008 10:51:00 AM

Okay. I've got another confession to make. I love to eavesdrop on my next door's idiot box. Well, actually it wasn't eavesdropping afterall. She turned up the volume so loud I could hear it clearly from a mile away, though. Not my fault, eh?

Tonight's topic was about national holidays and the celebration behind them. From ajeb-ajeb music as the background and the breaks that sometimes presenting the station's jingle—a local Jakarta, I presumed—I daresay that it was a tekjing-tekjing program. Or AJAGJ, 'Acara Joget-joget Anak Gaul Jakarta' in my Babab's term. The host was asking some questions to female party animals in proper Bahasa Gaul Indonesia with too-damn-perfect-it-sounded-like-he-got-a-frog-stuck-in-his-throat English insertion here and there around what next week's harpitnas is all about. Most of those unimportantly giggling girls answered correctly, Hari Kebangkitan Nasional (National Resurrection Day? Like Jesus did?), and some didn't have enough neurons to send the message to their motoric senses to answer since, perhaps, the blood their cardiac muscles pumped had stopped at their tits to perk them up and jut the nipples to all their glory, thus, it couldn't go all the way up to their brains. Such a hard work to do for those tiny hearts to go separate tracks in altogether, don't you think? Specifically in considering their strict diets that forbid them to eat anything, hard exercises and chemical toxins to make them pretty and accepted. Thanks God or The Devil or any substance that made them speak, those loose jaws could mention five other. Our Independence Day included, of course. How could you forget the most embarrassing moments when you've got to push yourself so hard to run around in a ragsack without falling face first eating dirt and voluntarily become a laughingstock?!

And why do I have to be so fuckin' cynical? ...is as follows.

The hunk-voiced host was later on asking what it would be if they could have one national holiday on their terms. One said that it should be Mabok Round the Clock, the other suggested Bikini Party, while another oh-has-she-ever-stopped giggling girl wanted to have Rave. I said "what-the-fuck-ever" and went to my own room, remembering yesterday's news about a remote area in Indonesia that didn't have any gas to be filled into the tanks of their boats since there was no fuel came to their island for days. They couldn't go out fishing because of it, although they had many mouths to feed in their houses.

I couldn't put all the blame on their shoulders for their ignorance, though. They are the Jakartans, urban people who work their ass off to yield millions and millions of rupiah from giant corporations. They deserve to have some fun! They live excellent, worriless lives compare to the fishermen they didn't know. And people tend to answer in conform to their moods, and they are clubbing. Yet, I feel bizarre notion when, right in the middle of that kind of tekjing-tekjing program, there are news about lives lost because of fierce flood or shattering earthquake. I couldn't stand the unfairness, how some people laugh merrily, while some other blankly staring at their houses that swept away by nature's anger. It was traces of tears drying on their cheeks, the expression in their faces, and their silent screams crying out loud to heaven that emblazoned into my very core; and how shiny happy people, on the other hand, have the privilege to live the life to the fullest, warm beds waiting, and many malls to shop in. Those two incidents are like a dream to me: unreal, untouched, unfelt. Yet, I know that both negating occurrences are actually happening in reality, not a manmade consciousness of a movie.

Ah, shit. How I miss Spongebob Squarepants at times like these, when his stupid giggles could cheers my whole screwed day. I think I'm going to watch an episode from Happytree Friends instead.

Is there ever any wonder
Why we look to the sky
Searching space
Asking why?
All alone
Where is God?
Looking down
We don't know

It’s Korn’s Hollow Life that deafening, isolating me from the outside, keeping me safe in my square world, again.


Eh, edan. Kenapa gwa jadi rajin posting tiap hari gini yeh?

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