"Fuck!" Say I

Because nobody rules over my thoughts. Live with it.

Anjing!!!

Posted by The Bitch on 4/30/2007 12:22:00 AM

Jumat malam dan the Lady Boss di tempat saya 'bermain' mentas kethoprak-an humor di TIM. Dua 'Little Bosses' mau nonton dan saya kebetulan ada janji dengan The Yogi/Sahabat/Kakak/Musuh/Guru saya di tempat yang sama. Jadilah, kita bertiga jalan afterhour.

Jebulnya...
Satu jam nunggu dan The Yogi urung datang. Ya sudah. Nonton kethoprak lah saya. Pulangnya, ternyata malah ketemu teman lama di Jogja (yang pernikahannya pun saya nggak bisa datang). Pulang batal, yang ada malah nongkrong hingga sejam setelah tengah malam, membicarakan hal yang ternyata penting untuk keberlangsungan hidupnya.

Lalu ponsel saya berbunyi, menandakan ada SMS masuk--yang juga dari teman lama di Jogja dan sudah hampir setahun ini di Jakarta--dan mengabarkan nongkrong mingguan masih berlangsung jika saya berkenan datang. Ujungnya bisa ditebak: Saya kembali terdampar di kamar kos-nya pukul tiga pagi, mendengkur berjamaah dengan saya perempuan seorang.

Besoknya kami nonton. Setelah itu kita keroyokan menyambangi seorang manusia maya yang segera mewujud setelah kita ketemu nanti di Kalibata Mall. And what a great time we had!

... tough there was a sharp pang in my heart.
Karena saya tau saat saya sedang tertawa-tawa bersama teman, seorang sahabat saya yang lain--beserta putrinya yang bertanya kapan saya datang lagi--terbaring sakit di RS Hermina Bandung kamar 411. Saya ingat. Tapi saya nggak bisa berangkat karena ada banyak hal yang menumpuk dan harus dikerjakan, juga karena kondisi yang rasanya nggak penting saya jelaskan disini.

Sepulangnya--dengan pakaian yang melekat 2 x 24 jam di tubuh--saya berkunjung ke ruang-ruang maya, menjenguk rumah yang sama mayanya, dan bertemu kenalan lain yang juga maya. Basa-basi sebentar, minta download lagu, dan ujung-ujungnya mendapat makian.

"Lu kenapa nggak nengok Si **** yang lagi sakit di Bandung? Seneng-seneng aja mau. Giliran dia sakit nggak ada yang nengok. Bangsat kalian semua!"

Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhit!

Tau apa dia tentang kondisi gwa?! Tau apa dia tentang datangnya kabar itu dan apa yang sedang gwa lakukan saat itu--though konteksnya gwa nongkrong sekalipun?! Tau apa dia tentang apa yang gwa lakukan disini untuk Si Sakit?! Apakah gwa harus laporin semua kegiatan gwa beberapa hari kemarin dan besok untuk bisa mendapatkan pengertian dari dia dan berharap dia cukup cerdas untuk bisa merasiokan kenapa gwa ga bisa jenguk?!

Gwa memang Anjing, yang harus disebut dengan luar biasa marah dan diberi tanda seru sebanyak-banyaknya di akhir kata karena NGGAK BISA MENGHORMATI TEMAN dengan norma dan etika universal yang ada. Atau mungkin lebih rendah dari itu karena even dogs don't bite the hands that feed them. Gwa soliter yang mau-nggak-mau harus masuk jebakan betmen berjudul homo sosialis, dimana what goes around (will hopefully) comes around.

Dan ini alasan gwa kenapa punya blog tapi males nge-link; kenapa selalu menolak kumpul-kumpul bareng kalo nggak merasa harus; kenapa berdiam di kamar sendirian, tenggelam dalam buku dan notebook zaman dinosaurus; kenapa lebih memilih dildo (jika suatu hari sudah saya koyak hymen dengan sendok teh) dan bukan lelaki; dan kenapa memilih rokok sebagai pembunuh sepi.

KARENA SAYA GAGAP MENGHADAPI KETERIKATAN DENGAN MANUSIA HIDUP DAN KEHARUSAN YANG MENGIKUTINYA.

Puas?!

ps: ya. saya bangsat. kalian semua sudah tau itu. so, stop bothering your mind to even think about me. i've learnt a lot and it's enuff.
pps: saya capek hidup tapi enggan beristirahat sejenak untuk kemudian kembali berenang melawan arus.
ppps: ya. saya pakek aan karena masalah ini memang bukan buat main-main.

Labels:

Make Me Bad

Posted by The Bitch on 4/19/2007 06:46:00 AM

Saya cari ujung pelarian meski harus pulang ke kota terjahanam sejagad dengan bekal yang saya punya (dan dapatkan dengan amat sangat brutal), ketenangan yang saya cari, tekad tak tergoyahkan dan kompensasi yang bukan hanya untuk saya. Sesaat, saya dapat. Tapi harapan lalu memudar. Pelan... pelan...

Chaos berawal dari kewaspadaan seorang duri yang merasa order-nya terguncang. Dia lupa kalau dia tidak di rumah. Dia khilaf bahwa dia tidak berwenang membuat peraturan baku. Dia amnesia dan menganggap saya anaknya yang bisa dibentuk seenaknya. Hey, ini taman bermain, akses internet gratis, dan gelimang tugas yang saya anggap petualangan dan membuat saya senang karena saya digaji saat bermain. Disini, di dunia saya, peraturan seperti itu wajib dilanggar karena hanya akan mencederai keteraturan dalam keberantakan universal (yang saya yakin diamini juga oleh orang-orang sekeliling). Saya sungguh setuju dengan satu prinsip hidup sahabat maya yang dia dapat layaknya wangsit pada usia pas seperempat abad: hiduplah tanpa merugikan orang lain.

Mungkin ke-order-annya dan ke-chaos-an saya bersinggungan, menghasilkan tumbukan yang berujung pada momentum luar biasa, dan dengan lidah bercabangnya membuahkan bisikan-bisikan yang dulu, jauhhhhhhhhhhhhh sekali di masa lalu berhasil membuat Bu Eva merayu Pak Adam memakan buah pengetahuan terlarang.

Aw, c'mon! Kita sudah tidak di Taman Eden lagi! Satu demi satu manusia, setelah dicipta dari tanah dan setitik air kotor yang kemudian ditiupkan ruh ke dalamnya, sudah dilempar semua ke Bumi tanpa kecuali! Apa yang kamu cari, duhai reptil berbibir indah? Kepuasan? Kamu puas mengetahui ada ibu beranak empat yang bingung akan kehilangan sumber penghasilan? Kamu bahagia mendepak seorang ayah berputra dua yang berusaha membagi hati, otak dan jiwanya antara loyalitas nafkah dan rumah? Kamu bangga memutus jalur seorang gadis bernyawa sambungan yang berusaha meraih apa yang sempat hilang dari hidupnya? Kamu senang membuat kalut orang yang sudah kami anggap ibu kami yang unik karena kehilangan anak-anaknya dan akan kamu ganti dengan antek-antekmu?

Ah, saya berlebihan. Mungkin yang kamu tuju adalah saya, cabe dalam tahu yang kadang tidak terlihat tapi menyebalkan jika tergigit. Atau noda darah haid pada bagian pantat rok putihmu akibat nggak pakai pembalut yang 'nggak berkerut dan nggak tembus ke samping' dan merusak pandangan?

Stop chewing more than you can swallow because I know how to start and I know when to stop. I am watching the rise and fall of my salvation. There's so much shit around me, such a lack of compassion. Make me bad, bitch. Make me reeeeeeeeal bad...*evil grins*

Labels:

That's What We Are

Posted by The Bitch on 4/12/2007 05:20:00 AM

Yang berjalan di jalan kebenaran selalu melangkah sendirian.
-Pramoedya Ananta Toer, a great Indonesian writer
(6 Februari 1925
– 30 April 2006)

Guess what? I had just finished watching 5 episodes of Heroes tonight. Kinda making up, though, for the lost hours spent on other things instead of amusing myself and get some self-satisfaction from it. Yes, you're right. The last is what I call brain masturbation.

I was amazed about this serial. I watched it on TV some other day when I had to work overtime and feeling tired of reporting shits that I entitled to. I lost the previous stories and didn't have a single idea what was it all about. Yet, it's like... fantastic.

Basically, it's just like any other movies about some 'freaks'--or you may say mutants--who have extraordinary power way beyond their common kinsman. In fact, those kind of movies were never my favorite. When it happens in real life, it must have been very pathetic to run around the town, saving people's sorry ass with your superhuman power and stood your dates up all night long because of it--which resulting in ruined love relationship, causing you lack of social live since you have to keep your secret identity by yourselves, and exhausted in the morning in doing so, distracting your concentration so you can't get your work done and make your supervisors eliminate you from their payrolls thanks to this. And no credit whatsoever for doing the virtues. Yet, what I've been through for these past three years had proved me wrong. Though I aint got any of such capability except ruining my own relationships, experiencing almost zero social life, and having my lady boss get rid of my butt from her office some of these days.

But my friends do, despite the fact that they're not in the same zip code with superhuman power. They don't have the strength of a pack of angry gorillas or levitation or clairvoyance or even regenerate their body tissues. But I have one who is capable of giving me all of his 25 hours per day for any kinds of mental situations I'm in. I live in the same roof with an angel in weekdays who teaches me to face my demons within. I encountered a great soul who dedicated most of his time to make people understand that their lives worth living. I ran into a light in the form of a humble guy who insisted himself to make attempts of creating the world a better place. I know this man whose determination is as dependable as the sun that never fail to rise who lifted me to a higher 'place'. I've met an ordinary girl who turns no ordinary at all when she's giving her everything, gladly, regretlessly, for the sake of an orderly living of a family and all of her surroundings. I keep in touch with a distinguished mind behind thick spectacles whose words are sharpest knife and heart is softest silk. He embraces me into his life, this guy whose patience is as infinite as the cosmos itself. And those two girls in kerudung? They are tirelessly showing me the path that I often neglect.

They are all my heroes. They've touched my whole aspects of living and I could never be the same again. They bleed, grieve, laugh, angered and feel, as I do. But what they're made of are way more wonderful than I could ever imagine. And I believe that we have those kinds of people living and breathing around us if we could only widened our eyes to the long-lost perspective. Because that's what we are for each other.
Hey... That Greatest Something Somewhere didn't create you for nothing, did He?




Dedicated to Phoenix Brother #1 & #2, The Yogi, those two 844 Graduates, My Plenyun, Maz Her, The Zen, Jojon and Mpok, and many, many more. You know who you are (=

Labels:

Why Is It Always Like That?

Posted by The Bitch on 4/05/2007 01:41:00 PM

Semalem iseng-iseng nostalgia dan buka program ceting jadul yang bikin gwa belajar banyak. Settingan sih selalu away. Tapi kalo kira-kira ada yang menarik yah... jabanin aja, ajak ceting. Seperti di bawah ini:

[02:51] hi
[02:52] pls
[02:54] <\666\> ?
[02:54] wanna chat?
[02:55] <\666\> depends
[02:56] on what?
[02:57] <\666\> on whether or not u worth to be chatted with
[02:57] <\666\> (=
[02:57] u know when u knew
[02:58] otherwise u loss ur opportunity
[02:59] <\666\> (=
[02:59] <\666\> nice
[02:59] <\666\> so...
[02:59] <\666\> what keeps u awake to this wee hour of the nite
[02:59] <\666\> ?
[02:59] i'm a batman
[02:59] <\666\> haha
[03:00] <\666\> and i'm a caesar
[03:00] <\666\> =P
[03:01] then u r not kicked by ur nature
[03:01] <\666\> allrite then, batman...
[03:01] <\666\> how come u're not fooling around gotham city
[03:01] <\666\> and sit by ur comp instead?
[03:02] <\666\> i dun think criminals are all safe and sound behind bars
[03:02] i'm thinking of going around n found u at the corner
[03:03] criminals out of jails if u r stay home
[03:03] what u do for living?
[03:04] <\666\> haha
[03:04] <\666\> well...
[03:04] <\666\> i work as a listener
[03:04] <\666\> it's kinda full-time profession
[03:04] <\666\> especially w/ ppl like u
[03:05] u'll be good only if there is noise
[03:06] <\666\> not really
[03:06] <\666\> i'm a noice-sorter
[03:06] <\666\> i listen what i wanna listen
[03:07] u cant listen at all if if all silent
[03:07] <\666\> yes and no
[03:07] <\666\> when there is deafening silence, there's the true you that'll be heard
[03:08] so u r not listener anymore, but speaker
[03:08] <\666\> in your case, yes
[03:08] <\666\> n i have no single idea why i tell this 2 u
[03:09] <\666\> haha
[03:09] so u quit or job as a listener once u become a speaker
[03:09] <\666\> well...
[03:09] <\666\> if u keep asking me, yes
[03:10] <\666\> (=
[03:10] to be a speaker u have to run an office
[03:10] <\666\> not really
[03:10] <\666\> to be a speaker, u hafta have materials to be spoken about
[03:11] then u r a staff
[03:11] <\666\> and audience to be spoken to
[03:11] collecting materials for speaking
[03:11] <\666\> haha
[03:11] <\666\> literally, yes
[03:11] <\666\> i responsible to collect materials and report them
[03:12] WHERE r u?
[03:12] <\666\> n dat's--literally--what i've been doing since 7 pm
[03:12] <\666\> me? in front of my comp
[03:12] <\666\> before ur very eyes
[03:12] <\666\> seen but unseen
[03:12] <\666\> doing my work and amusing u at the same time
[03:12] <\666\> (=
[03:13] u r talking to nobody, if u said u r there
[03:13] <\666\> very well, then
[03:13] <\666\> i am a nobody as well
[03:13] why talking nothing if u r with somebody here
[03:14] <\666\> i'm water
[03:14] <\666\> my shape is what i'm in
[03:14] <\666\> and u're the interceptor dat i'm in
[03:14] water freezes, no more water
[03:15] <\666\> water freezes IF u want me to freeze
[03:15] <\666\> tho i'm fire within
[03:15] if u r freezing u become frigid
[03:15] <\666\> but deadly, still
[03:16] nobody will touch u
[03:16] <\666\> i touch
[03:16] <\666\> not to be touched
[03:16] u touch urself? wow
[03:16] <\666\> haha
[03:17] <\666\> i dun think i have the gut
[03:17] i wanna somebody touch me
[03:17] smoothly
[03:17] <\666\> cant do dat
[03:17] <\666\> it's a rough ride, being w/ me
[03:18] imagining is power
[03:18] <\666\> cant agree more
[03:18] <\666\> what's on ur mind now
[03:18] <\666\> ?
[03:18] sensing is colorful
[03:19] <\666\> hmm...
[03:19] <\666\> i jez heard dat
[03:19] <\666\> i thought color is everywhere
[03:19] <\666\> even w/ ur eyes closed
[03:19] touching is something else
[03:20] imagine what u sense and touch is more than what u can think
[03:21] <\666\> (=
[03:21] <\666\> there'll be lot of spectrum, definitely
[03:22] so, dont let ur mind stop doin de imagination
[03:22] <\666\> based on ur terms, dat's why i love 2 'touch' people w/ my rough ride
[03:22] <\666\> i need all imagination in the world in doing my timeless job here
[03:23] u go thru whatever ur sense or touch cant do
[03:24] <\666\> n u worth listening
[03:24] <\666\> (=
[03:24] no bad or good of imagination
[03:25] <\666\> yes
[03:26] <\666\> u can do wuteva u like w/ it
[03:26] <\666\> n become whateva u wanna be
[03:26] u wrong
[03:27] <\666\> how come?
[03:28] as long u still control ur imagination, so for whatever u like, u'll not become anything..
[03:28] <\666\> interesting
[03:29] <\666\> n why is it?
[03:29] Rumi said that whatever u want to be is not in ur destiny
[03:30] ur destiny is not whatever u want but it is whatever u follow
[03:30] <\666\> i c
[03:31] <\666\> but the power to imagine is totally difrent from power of 'to be', i presume?
[03:31] is whatever u follow depends on whatever u want?
[03:31] <\666\> yes
[03:31] wrong again
[03:32] <\666\> n we so often following the path that end up in the thing dat we wanna be
[03:32] <\666\> dat's when we become what the destiny want us to be
[03:33] no, u can go to whatever u go not only becuz u want it
[03:33] <\666\> so?
[03:33] u wanna be a listener or u just be a listener?
[03:34] <\666\> well...
[03:34] <\666\> i HAPPEN to be a listener
[03:34] <\666\> i dunno what demon or angel took me to dat path back then
[03:34] so u do something that is not really want u want?
[03:34] <\666\> but here i am, for almost all of my waking life
[03:35] <\666\> at first, yes
[03:35] <\666\> but i enjoy it along the way
[03:35] <\666\> (=
[03:35] <\666\> it's kinda like... fun, actually
[03:35] u r trapped in something that u r pretending that u really want it hehee, poor u
[03:36] <\666\> if it is a trap, then, i voluntarily plunged into it
[03:36] so u be a bad humanbeing!
[03:36] <\666\> i be a useful humanbeing for other humanbeing
[03:37] <\666\> in ur point of view, yes, i might be pathetic
[03:37] try to dance... and feel the move and empty ur mind
[03:37] <\666\> i'm dancing now, baby
[03:37] <\666\> im dancing
[03:37] catch the bliss
[03:37] <\666\> w/ u and all the universe
[03:37] <\666\> n this is my bliss
[03:38] <\666\> n i am blessed
[03:38] u cannot say that it is ur bliss, if u r trapped, freedom is freedom not trapping!
[03:39] <\666\> freedom is the tightest link in the chain
[03:39] u enjoy ur life becuz u have no choice, u r trapped!
[03:39] <\666\> freedom is illusion
[03:39] poor u!
[03:39] <\666\> all is between ur ears
[03:40] <\666\> (=
[03:40] <\666\> again..
[03:40] <\666\> in ur point of view, yes, i might be pathetic
[03:40] illusion is part of imagination
[03:40] <\666\> yes, i agree
[03:40] try dancing again, follow whatever u go
[03:40] <\666\> 1 thing dat u dunno...
[03:40] <\666\> i'm a masochist
[03:41] <\666\> i hurt myself and enjoy it
[03:41] dont label urself
[03:41] <\666\> ok
[03:41] <\666\> i'm trying 2 dance w/ u now
[03:41] <\666\> trying to follow your steps
[03:42] <\666\> but it's my choice whether or not to carry on w/ this dance lesson, rite?
[03:43] labeling is a part of making urself be put into classifying of trapping
[03:43] wrong again, dont follow ur steps hehe...
[03:44] ur steps might not to ur destiny
[03:44] <\666\> i believe dat classifying is the most primitive instict to all living things
[03:44] <\666\> it's kinda basic for survival
[03:45] <\666\> yes, i believe dat my steps might not taking me to my destiny
[03:45] hehe
[03:45] <\666\> but, again, it's my free will to go where i want to go
[03:45] <\666\> n im starving
[03:45] <\666\> it's a good sign
[03:45] <\666\> haha
[03:46] <\666\> wanna have early breakfast/verylate supper w/ me?
[03:46] good start
[03:46] <\666\> i only have half plate of leftover oseng2 oncom if u dun mind
[03:46] <\666\> hehe
[03:47] i have to go, nice to meet u, i have to go to russia tomorrow nite
[03:48] <\666\> (=
[03:48] <\666\> same here
[03:48] <\666\> nice 2 meet u 2
[03:48] want something from Russia?
[03:48] <\666\> save trip and hafa great time there
[03:48] <\666\> umm...
[03:48] <\666\> i might not need anything from russia
[03:49] <\666\> but i believe i need u 2 come back 2 me someday
[03:49] ok bye see u again next time
[03:49] <\666\> c ya
[03:49] <\666\> ummm
[03:49] <\666\> dun u wanna know the real me?
[03:49] ok tell me
[03:50] <\666\> i wanna know the real u first
[03:50] <\666\> hehe
[03:50] i'm a regular man with real power
[03:51] <\666\> n im an ordinary girl with power over nothing
[03:51] ok, tell me more
[03:51] <\666\> tell u more what?
[03:51] <\666\> oseng2 oncom?
[03:51] <\666\> nice
[03:51] <\666\> hehe
[03:52] r u in Yogya?
[03:52] <\666\> used to
[03:52] now?
[03:53] <\666\> Jakarta the city of necropolis and many lost souls
[03:53] u wanna have sex with me hehehe
[03:53] <\666\> haha!
[03:53] <\666\> in ur dream, baby
[03:54] <\666\> in ur dream
[03:54] <\666\> (=
[03:54] have u had sex be4?
[03:54] <\666\> am i being impolite to let my sex life only for me?
[03:54] <\666\> (=
[03:55] i'm a straigthforward gentleman, excuse if i make u such noise
[03:56] <\666\> i'd love to hear more of ur noise
[03:56] <\666\> quite useful
[03:56] so tell me if u have sex be4?
[03:56] <\666\> i love 2 hear noise
[03:57] <\666\> not make some
[03:57] <\666\> (=
[03:57] and i like to make one in ur dream
[03:57] i could be ur dream hehe
[03:58] <\666\> haha
[03:58] <\666\> nice try
[03:58] <\666\> =P
[03:58] i'm not trying, i'm asking
[03:58] <\666\> the power of imagining like u said before...
[03:58] <\666\> it's interesting
[03:58] <\666\> becuz when u keep imagining me as i am now
[03:59] <\666\> i'd be eternal in ur memory
[03:59] dream's diffrent from imagination
[03:59] <\666\> well, at least it's like illusion also
[03:59] <\666\> part of it, yet, those that make imagination
[04:00] ok, i got u, my Q already answered
[04:00] <\666\> im jez an ordinary girl w/ ordinary syndrome of fear and dats whats keeping me awake
[04:01] <\666\> except for the demanding monthly reports dat ive gotta finished
[04:01] <\666\> hahaha
[04:01] <\666\> NOW u got me
[04:01] i like to have sex
[04:01] thx
[04:01] bye
[04:01] <\666\> such a waste...
[04:01] * \666\ sighs
[04:01] <\666\> take care, then
[04:02] may be sometime
[04:02] other time
[04:02] next time
[04:02] like no other time
[04:02] <\666\> haha
[04:02] thx again dear
[04:02] <\666\> sounds familiar
[04:02] <\666\> no sweat, fella
[04:02] what?
[04:03] <\666\> what what?
[04:03] ok then bye dear
[04:03] <\666\> c u in hell, baby

... dan berikut adalah data yang gwa dapet saat itu:

Anto1 is ~Anto@125.161.128.44 * Anto
Anto1 on #indonesia #seks #jembut #memek #jakarta
Anto1 using hotspeed.sg.as.dal.net Hotspeed.com.sg Client Server
Anto1 End of /WHOIS list.

Such a waste, indeed. Kenapa sih orang-orang yang bisa diajak ngomong asik selalu end-up ke masalah selangkangan? I believe that there is more to life than just three-second genital contraction called orgasm. Yet, I feel like I'm the only person in this fucked-up universe that believe such theory.

Damn!

Labels:

Am I real?

Posted by The Bitch on 4/03/2007 10:31:00 PM



... yet, I'm afraid to feel it...

Labels:

Be Honest, Dear Me

Posted by The Bitch on 4/03/2007 07:55:00 PM

Is it a platonic thing you feel,

Or are you just too stubborn to feel the pain--again?

(Frankly... I just can't tell.)

Labels:

Ngomel Sendiri

Posted by The Bitch on 4/02/2007 10:37:00 PM

Malam itu kami santai, menikmati obrolan satu sama lain tanpa terbebani pekerjaan dan tenggat. Peristiwa langka. Ditengah keterbatasan waktu yang tadinya sering bikin pembahasan terpadatkan. Tapi tidak sekarang.

Sambil gwa surfing-surfing ke site backpack keren, dia cerita-cerita tentang kegiatan-kegiatannya yang superpadat, teman-temannya, anak-anaknya (3 binatang lucu berusia 3 bulanan), sementara gwa menyeling dengan presentasi buku yang gwa baca dan belum juga selesai--karena cuma bisa menikmatinya disambi e'ek.

Tiba-tiba browser gwa kepentok sama salah satu model backpack yg superduperkeren, tapi amboiiii... harganya!!! Lalu alamat website itu gwa kupipes (copy and paste, diterjemahkan dalam bahasa sekenanya) ke window ngobrolnya.

"Maz, maz, asik nih. What do you think?"
Beberapa detik kemudian baris jawaban terbentuk di bawahnya:
"Keren... keren..."
"Bikinan Jerman, tuh. Gwa naksir abis waktu temen kos gwa dulu dibeliin kakaknya yang lagi kuliah disana. Awet banget. Sampe sekarang warnanya masih bagus, padahal sering banget dibawa kemping."
"Wah... Berarti theses gwa bener ya! Hahaha!!!"

... dan dari situlah awal mula diskusi kami tentang 'trans-migration of taste', yaitu mengenai selera yang lompat pagar berbasis teori akan kondisi materi seseorang. Dia anggap gwa (mungkin) sebagai golongan urban yang silau dengan label gede dan selera pemilihan barang yang gwa konsumsi akan sangat berbeda dengan Si Ujang yang tinggal di pelosok Sukabumi sana. Tapi gwa bersikukuh kalo 'taste' gwa murni berdasar fungsi dan nilai estetis tanpa membiarkan diri tertindas hegemoni merek (meski gwa mempercayai urusan alas kaki ke Nike & Converse, sementara penyangga kelenjar susu gwa pasrahkan pada Triumph & Wacoal).

"Makanya, Pit. Coba deh lo bikin label sendiri dan pasarin ke temen-temen kantor. Toh-tohan, pasti jalan. Lo kan bisa pake ironi-ironi lo yang sarkas abis itu, which is where you're good at."
"Kenapa? Buat apa?" tanya gwa dengan begonya.
"Ya buat ngelawan label-label gede itu. Urusan desain kan lo bisa gabung ama temen-temen disini. Modalnya juga ga gede-gede amat."

Menarik. Tapi yang paling menarik dari itu adalah keyword-nya: melawan. Karena seumur idup, itulah yang gwa lakukan. Melawan bayangan-bayangan sekitar.

Perlawanan paling dini adalah proses mbrojolnya gwa yang lebih cepat 2 hari dari perayaan tujuh bulan kehamilan. Setelah pertarungan hidup-mati Sang Bunda selama 12 jam (and how I tirelessly grateful for it, Mbok), gwa langsung masuk inkubator seminggu. Untuk kemudian disambung dengan makan pisang yang dikerok halus-halus sebagai makanan pertama yang masuk perut gwa karena air susu amat sangat langka saat itu.

Masa Sekolah Dasar gwa harus berjuang sebagai anak paling muda dengan bodi paling bongsor yang gagap ketika temen-temen gwa sudah fasih menggurat huruf dan angka di atas kertas dengan lancarnya. Meninggalkan gwa yang dulunya lebih seneng main bebas tanpa terjadwal masuk TK. Perbendaharaan lagu anak-anak yang diajarin Ibu emang ga abis-abis, tapi gwa lebih sering dan seneng denger ABBA, Beatles, Queen, Rolling Stones dan Iwan Fals diputar di tape daripada kaset-kaset Pak Kasur dan Ibu Sud. Jadi, jangan salahkan gwa kalo gwa bawain Dancing Queen waktu disuruh nyanyi depan kelas--dengan lafal acak-adul.

SMP, I got my first crush (Hi, Gi! You are HERE! Haha!). Then again, gwa harus menebalkan hati untuk gak berdarah terlalu banyak karena penyangkalannya--indirectly-- terhadap eksistensi gwa yang cuma bisa dia nilai dengan kondisi gwa yang terberi tanpa bisa gwa ubah.

Waktu SMA gwa jadi anggota bayangan kelompok-kelompok ngetop yang 'ngartis' dan bisa keluar-masuk seenaknya. Tapi sikap free-agent gwa yang sering nemplok kemanapun macem laler bikin mereka jengah karena ga bisa mengakuisisi gwa secara penuh. C'mon! Untuk bisa diterima, gwa ga harus menyerahkan jiwa ke kalian, kan? Gwa ga mau cari-cari duit tambahan--apalagi minta ortu--hanya untuk nongkrong di mekdi hampir tiap pulang sekolah (sementara bayaran aja gwa sering nunggak).

Dan perlawanan gwa berujung pada rokok yang gwa puja dan caci sekaligus. Benda langsing lurus itulah yang gwa gunakan sebagai alat dalam memperkenalkan area abu-abu bagi orang-orang terdekat. I'm still the same good 'ol Pit you use to know, though she's holding a cigarette between her lefthand index and mid fingers and puffing to her heart's content... and got a hell of learning from doing it.
Perjuangan belum selesai...

Hey, it's a dog-eat-dog in the place we live in and I don't wanna be a cannibal. I just wanna be a human.


ps: tau gag? mekdi bahkan ga punya site endonesa!!! kasian ye orang sinih. ga diakuin. haha!

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April Mop?

Posted by The Bitch on 4/01/2007 11:55:00 PM

Malam jahanam!

Mencoba mengejar tenggat buatan
Ketika libur ini mestinya rehat
Setelah berbagi dengan sahabat
Tentang cinta dan mimpi dan tawa dan rasa

Sementara kekosongan ini sesak mendendam rindu
Dan kucari kamu dalam segelas bir dan wine
(Pahit, masam, getir, namun betapa memabukkan)

: sementara, jauh
disana, di negeri maya
kugali bentukku sendiri
dalam dunia bernama ABARAT


... sungguh, bir dan wine merupakan pelancar kemih paling sempurna...

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