Because nobody rules over my thoughts. Live with it.
Udah lah. Complain, complain, complain. I hang on all these times.
Labels: The Work
Taken from here. While reading, my eyes becomes larger every minute. Shit!
Have I ever ask the same question? Have you?
The Contents of Your Daily Life
How many hours a day do you spend in front of a television screen? A computer screen? Behind an automobile windscreen? All three screens combined? What are you being screened from? How much of your life comes at you through a screen, vicariously?
Is watching things as exciting as doing things? Do you have enough time to do all the things that you want to? Do you have enough energy to? Why? And how many hours a day do you sleep? How are you affected by standardized time, designed solely to synchronize your movements with those of millions of other people? How long do you ever go without knowing what time it is? Who or what controls your minutes and hours? The minutes and hours that add up to your life? Are you saving time? Saving it up for what?
Can you put a value on a beautiful day, when the birds are singing and people are walking around together? How many dollars an hour does it take to pay you to stay inside and sell things or file papers? What can you get later that will make up for this day of your life?
How are you affected by being in crowds, by being surrounded by anonymous masses? Do you find yourself blocking your emotional responses to other human beings? And who prepares your meals? Do you ever eat by yourself? Do you ever eat standing up? How much do you know about what you eat and where it comes from? How much do you trust it?
What are we deprived of by labor-saving devices? By thought-saving devices? How are you affected by the requirements of efficiency, which place value on the product rather than the process, on the future rather than the present, the present moment that is getting shorter and shorter as we speed faster and faster into the future? What are we speeding towards? Are we saving time? Saving it up for what?
How are you affected by being moved around in prescribed paths, in elevators, buses, subways, escalators, on highways and sidewalks? By moving, working, and living in two- and three-dimensional grids? How are you affected by being organized, immobilized, and scheduled rather than wandering, roaming freely and spontaneously? Scavenging? (Shoplifting?) How much freedom of movement do you have--freedom to move through space, to move as far as you want, in new and unexplored directions?
And how are you affected by waiting? Waiting in line, waiting in traffic, waiting to eat, waiting for the bus, waiting to urinate--learning to punish and ignore your spontaneous urges? How are you affected by holding back your desires? By sexual repression, by the delay or denial of pleasure, starting in childhood, along with the suppression of everything in you that is spontaneous, everything that evidences your wild nature, your membership in the animal kingdom? Is pleasure dangerous?
Could danger be joyous? Do you ever need to see the sky? (Can you see many stars in it any more?) Do you ever need to see water, leaves, foliage, animals? Glinting, glimmering, moving? Is that why you have a pet, an aquarium, houseplants? Or are television and video your glinting, glimmering, moving? How much of your life comes at you through a screen, vicariously? If your life was made into a movie, would you watch it? How do you feel in situations of enforced passivity?
How are you affected by a non-stop assault of symbolic communication--audio, visual, print, billboard, video, radio, robotic voices--as you wander through a forest of signs? What are they urging upon you? Do you ever need solitude, quiet, contemplation? Do you remember it? Thinking on your own, rather than reacting to stimuli? Is it hard to look away?
Is looking away the very thing that is not permitted? Where can you go to find silence and solitude? Not white noise, but pure silence? Not loneliness, but gentle solitude? How often have you stopped to ask yourself questions like these? Do you find yourself committing acts of symbolic violence? Do you ever feel lonely in a way that words cannot even express? Do you sometimes feel yourself ready to LOSE CONTROL?
Nggak kerasa, ternyata gwa kangen juga ama elu. Kemaren baru aja gwa kirim imel panjang buat lo yang lagi dibayarin cari ilmu di negara bule sana. Eh, pagi buta ini lo nongol, lewat cengiran smiley bulet kuning terang di software messenger yang mendadak hidup ketika lo log in.
Lalu kita tukeran cerita dodol dan konyol, tentang temen-temen bule lo dan keluarga tempat lo numpang, serta tentang kerjaan baru gwa yang kayak neraka tapi menyenangkan.
Kemudian cerita sedih itu terlontar.
Tentang terselesaikannya sebuah hubungan jarak jauh antara lo dan mas londo di ujung dunia sana. Yang bikin airmata lo titik--meski cuma setetes--adalah ketika DIA yang punya inisiatif menyudahkan hubungan yang, tadinya, lo harapkan berhasil untuk mengalihkan rasa dari seorang lelaki matang yang namanya tertancap dalam di hati lo.
(Apakah lukanya masih merembeskan darah, Sayang?)
Hey! Apakah jebolan 844 sedang dilanda infeksi merahjambu akhir Juni?
Karena ada seorang perempuan berkerudung nan perkasa-cerdas-cantik-pemberani yang juga sedang mengalami masa pemulihan dari virus pembuat patah hati ini. Dia (dan kamu dan aku dan semua orang yang pernah mengalami, mungkin) merasa kalah, salah dan lelah karena terlanjur mempercayai--kita tahu bagaimana sulitnya dia percaya lelaki--dan memilih sosok yang dirasa adalah 'The One'. Sama sepertiku. Beberapa minggu lalu.
Dari cerita kita bertiga, benang merah yang bisa gwa tarik adalah: ketika harapan tidak sesuai dengan kenyataan, dan kita cenderung merasa kalah ketika keadaan memaksa kita harus nrimo.
Tapi kita harus ikhlas, rela melepas apa yang memang bukan ditujukan untuk kita. Sebagaimanapun kita merasa klop dengan mas-mas bajingan itu. Haha. Iya, gwa sama marah dan senasibnya dengan lo dan dia. Gwa juga sempet kesel karena si mas itu bukan seperti yang gwa bayangkan. Gwa kerap memaki taklukan yang nggak mau takluk itu, padahal kalo dipikir-pikir dia bukan apa-apa. Mungkin gwa nggak mau ngaku kalo gwa dipecundangi oleh orang yang lebih 'dibawah' dari gwa. Kadang gwa juga suka ngerasa kalo gwa amat sangat sombongnya. Gwa sepakat dengan si Ikan Mas Koki: biar jelek asal congkak!
Well, time heals all the wound. Hanya itu yang kita punya. And what doesn't kill you makes you strong, kata Mbak Nana.
Ya udah, lah. Life goes on. Emangnya lekong di dunia ini cuma mereka ajah?! Ayo! Kita bikin perkumpulan Jomblo-jomblo Bangsat yang nggak kalah bajingan dengan mas-mas itu, karena kita bisa berdiri sendiri. Sambil lirik-lirik kanan-kiri. Sape tau ada yang bagus dan kecengable. Hehehe...
Mari Revolusi sampai mati!!!
*dedicated to Sumpel and Ooz and all the girls that have been broken-hearted, yet, never give up in the quest of finding their soulmates...